


Alone

by orphan_account



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz (Two River Cast) Actor RPF, Be More Chill - Ned Vizinni
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Michael in the Bathroom, Mild Language, Panic Attacks, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22272187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: just an angsty fic. Happens during/after Michael in the Bathroom.
Kudos: 13





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> kind of short but i like the way it turned out. I forgot how much I loved writing angst

“Get out of my way, loser.” I said to my former best friend and walked out of the door. I slammed it a little harder than I should have. I stood outside of the bathroom and I couldn’t control my breathing. A girl came up to the door. 

“Hello! Other people have to pee!” She knocked on the door.

“I’m having my period!” I heard Michael say through the door. I would have laughed if I wasn’t seconds away from a panic attack. 

“Take your time honey.” The girl said and left. There was silence. Was he okay? No, I need to stop worrying about him. We’re not friends anymore. I just wish this damn squip would turn back on already. How was I supposed to navigate this stupid party by myself? I decided to just hang out near the bathroom. What if Michael comes out? What do I say to him? Do I just ignore him and pretend the squip turned back on? I sat on the ground and buried my face in hands. What have I gotten myself into? I’m sure if the squip was here, it’d tell me to get up and stop acting like a girl. Just take a deep breath. I picked up my head and looked around at the party around me. I saw a drunk girl singing to that one Whitney song. If Michael was here, he’d probably tell some stupid joke. Don’t think about that! You’re supposed to be hanging out with all of your cool friends. Not moping over some loser. 

I got up and tried to find someone that I knew but everything was a blur. Why does anyone drink if it makes you feel like this? I tried to walk but I fell into the door, making a loud bang. I closed my eyes, trying to make the room stop spinning. I got up again and knocked on the door. I couldn’t do this alone. I suddenly felt sick. I didn’t hear anything so I knocked again. Maybe if I apologize, he won’t kill me. 

“Please Mikey.” I meant to say it loud and confidently but it came out as a quiet whine. I knocked again. I still didn’t hear anything. Was there a way he could’ve left without me noticing? I felt tears threaten to come up. I needed to pull myself together. I knocked again. My energy was dwindling. Please open the door. I was using the door for all of my support so I fell when it opened. 

“I’m out you can calm down-Jeremy?” He looked down at me on the floor. Was he crying? It was hard to tell when the room wouldn’t stay still. 

“Micha.” Was all I had the energy to say. I tried to get up but ended up falling back down. Did I really drink that much? 

“What? Come to say sorry? I don’t forgive you.” He went to step over me but I grabbed his shoe. I was so pathetic. 

“Please Mikey. I’m sorry. I…”

“You what? Just say it Jeremy.”   
  


“I can’t get up.” I whined and tears started falling. Could this night get any worse? He sighed and grabbed my arm to pull me up. I grabbed onto his shoulder for support.

“I’m really sorry. I know you’re mad-” 

“Mad? I’m not mad at you Jeremy. I can’t be mad at you. If anything I’m mad at myself. How could I let this happen?” 

“I-I need to sit down.” Michael sighed and dragged me into the bathroom and I sat on the toilet seat. 

“How much did you drink?” 

“I don’t know. I didn’t think I drank that much but I can’t see and my hands feel weird and my legs won’t move.” Michael shook his head.

“I don’t know why I came here. I should’ve stayed home and watched shitty porn while I cried myself to sleep.” He sat down on the floor next to the toilet and I slipped off to join him. I leaned into his side. 

“Yeah me too.” 

“Why? Aren’t you Mr. Popular now?”

“I just had a really shitty night. Which reminds me, Jake wants to kill me.”

“Jake? As in Jake Dillinger?” I nodded my head in shame. “What did you do?”

“It’s a long story.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, we’re stuck inside this bathroom so I’ve got nothing but time.” I got off of his shoulder and took a deep breath. 

“Chloe tried to sleep with me and Jake found out and thought I was trying to steal his girlfriend or whatever.”

“What do you mean ‘tried’?”

“Well she took me to Jake’s parent’s room and we started making out. She wanted to go further but I was uncomfortable so I tried to leave but I...I couldn’t move. I told her to stop but she wouldn’t listen. It wouldn’t let me move.” I was full on crying at this point. I leaned back on Michael’s shoulder. 

“It wouldn’t let me get up Micha. I told her to stop.” 

“Was it the-” He started to ask but I nodded. I didn’t want to hear the name. He put an arm around me reluctantly. 

“I r-really am sorry Mikey. I didn’t mean for all of this to happen. I just didn’t want to be alone anymore but now I feel more alone than ever.” 

“You were never alone. It’s always been a two-player game.”

“I know but...I just felt so...awful. You don’t know what it’s like. I would walk down the hallway and everyone looked down on me. I couldn’t speak to anyone without having a panic attack. It sucks. I felt like no one noticed me but now..people notice now. People talk to me now. People  _ want  _ to talk to me now.”

“ _ I  _ notice you _. I  _ want to talk to you. You’re so wrapped up in your fantasy world that you didn’t even realize...didn’t realize what we had. Now it’s gone. I  _ do  _ know what it’s like. How do you think I felt when you wouldn’t even look at me? You were the only thing in my life that I was sure about and then you were gone. You didn’t even tell me why.” He said it with silent tears streaming down his face. I buried my face in his shoulder. 

“I’m so sor-sorry.” He patted me on the back in a comforting manner. 

“I know. I just wish you would’ve told me that you felt like that sooner. Before you spent four hundred bucks on a supercomputer that made you ditch me.”

“Four hundred and one. Don’t forget the Mountain Dew.” I said with a small smile. 

“So what does this mean for us? Are you just going to go back to ignoring me when it comes back on?” I tried to think but it hurt my head. 

“I don’t know.” I whined.

“Well I can’t be doing this then. If you’re just going to ignore me, then I need to move on. I don’t want to be the one you cry to whenever it’s off.” He went to get up but I grabbed his arm. 

“Please don’t leave me alone. I can’t be alone.” 

“You should’ve thought of that before you abandoned me.”

“I said I’m sorry Michael! We can make things better!”

“Better for who?”

“Better for us!” 

“Don’t you get it Jeremy? There is no ‘us’! You threw that away!” He pulled out of my grasp. 

“I want to make it better! Please! I’m sorry!” I begged him. He stopped to look at me. I got in his way so he couldn’t leave. 

“Jeremy, you’re making this harder than it has to be.” 

“There has to be some way to shut this thing off! Then we can go back to the way it was!” 

“I don’t think we can just go back to the way it was. I...I have to go.” He made an attempt to walk past me but I grabbed him. 

“Please…” 

“Jeremy, you need to move.”

“No! I can’t lose you again!” 

“Get off!” He yelled and I flinched. He never yells. I let go of him and started to sob in my hands. 

“Please don’t leave me Micha. You’re all I have.” I whispered.

“You were all I had. You…” He didn’t finish his sentence and left. I was alone. 

  
  
  



End file.
